The following is an excerpt from my travel essay titled Lesser Known Travel Goals.
O'HARE
Listening to recently returned traveler’s airport horror stories is so commonplace that I decided to make a game of it. This is similar to Bingo but instead, I call it O’Hare. Not because O’Hare is any more irksome than other airports but its five-letter name made a nice little square on my game board. The rules are simple. A recently returned traveler will receive one game piece for each travel mishap to be placed on the board accordingly. Certain mishaps qualify for extra game pieces (see below). If you get five in a row horizontally, vertically or diagonally you yell “O’Hare!” There is no prize, only bragging rights of course. Here are a few of the ways you can earn points:
-- your first glimpse at the length of the security line results in an obscenity, one game piece. Obscenity with descriptors, two game pieces.
--obnoxious plane passengers for any of the following reasons: crying baby, snorer, one game piece. Malodorous seatmate, one game piece unless it is the person you brought with you. Then no game pieces, sorry. Seated next to Australians, one game piece. And they are drinking, two game pieces. Religious fundamentalist (any denomination) trying to get you to accept (insert name of deity here) as your personal lord and savior, regional flight, one game piece. Transcontinental flight, default win.
--irritable security personnel. You can go ahead and put your game piece on this one before you even leave the house for the airport. Spending 40 hours a week telling people to take their shoes off does not make for a happy employee.
--Drug Enforcement Agency dog sat down in front of your suitcase, three game pieces. I 'm thinking of taking this space off though. These people might not be interested in playing the game.
--And, thanks to a fellow traveler in Cancun, my most recently added square: Airport wall fell on head. I also gave myself one piece for having to look at his particle board speckled hair for the duration of the flight.
Now here is an example of how the game is played. I once accidentally spilled an entire glass of ice water on a German man seated beside me on a plane. For that, he would have gotten one game piece plus two more for the fact that the plane was at least four hours delayed, and one for malodorous seatmate (In my defense, I had only wanted to spend as much time on the beach as possible before I had to leave). Given that irritable security is a free space, he would probably have five in a row and could yell “O’Hare!” That is, if he even knew that I was playing this game on his behalf. Actually he did yell something when I spilled the ice water on him, but I don’t think it was “O’Hare.”
Happy travels!
O'HARE
Listening to recently returned traveler’s airport horror stories is so commonplace that I decided to make a game of it. This is similar to Bingo but instead, I call it O’Hare. Not because O’Hare is any more irksome than other airports but its five-letter name made a nice little square on my game board. The rules are simple. A recently returned traveler will receive one game piece for each travel mishap to be placed on the board accordingly. Certain mishaps qualify for extra game pieces (see below). If you get five in a row horizontally, vertically or diagonally you yell “O’Hare!” There is no prize, only bragging rights of course. Here are a few of the ways you can earn points:
-- your first glimpse at the length of the security line results in an obscenity, one game piece. Obscenity with descriptors, two game pieces.
--obnoxious plane passengers for any of the following reasons: crying baby, snorer, one game piece. Malodorous seatmate, one game piece unless it is the person you brought with you. Then no game pieces, sorry. Seated next to Australians, one game piece. And they are drinking, two game pieces. Religious fundamentalist (any denomination) trying to get you to accept (insert name of deity here) as your personal lord and savior, regional flight, one game piece. Transcontinental flight, default win.
--irritable security personnel. You can go ahead and put your game piece on this one before you even leave the house for the airport. Spending 40 hours a week telling people to take their shoes off does not make for a happy employee.
--Drug Enforcement Agency dog sat down in front of your suitcase, three game pieces. I 'm thinking of taking this space off though. These people might not be interested in playing the game.
--And, thanks to a fellow traveler in Cancun, my most recently added square: Airport wall fell on head. I also gave myself one piece for having to look at his particle board speckled hair for the duration of the flight.
Now here is an example of how the game is played. I once accidentally spilled an entire glass of ice water on a German man seated beside me on a plane. For that, he would have gotten one game piece plus two more for the fact that the plane was at least four hours delayed, and one for malodorous seatmate (In my defense, I had only wanted to spend as much time on the beach as possible before I had to leave). Given that irritable security is a free space, he would probably have five in a row and could yell “O’Hare!” That is, if he even knew that I was playing this game on his behalf. Actually he did yell something when I spilled the ice water on him, but I don’t think it was “O’Hare.”
Happy travels!
*Apologies to Australians, but y'all do have a bit of a reputation for being the fun loving merry-makers of the travel world.
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