Notes on Google Ads

Apologizing for Inappropriate Google ads:

Google ads are triggered by keywords on my site. This is not an exact science and apparently Google is not using its brightest employees in this particular department. One issue that I have is that if I talk about a certain cuisine from a certain continent on which the Olympics are being held (being careful here not to trigger the ads), Google assumes that my readers would therefore want to purchase a bride from that country and runs an ad showing where one could be found. Surely a company who consistently ranks itself as a perfect 10 on its own rating scale could figure a better filtering system for ads. If one talks about cuisine and ethnic cooking, why show ads that would appeal only to lonely truck drivers looking for a good time?

Another annoying ad is the one by some nut-job that wants to save your immortal soul before the earth explodes in the next few days. I am not sure what I possibly could have written for this ad to be at all appropriate, but maybe I said the word "hell" one time too many. Apparently your soul can be saved by clicking on his ad. Hey! Maybe he could partner with Google and provide an Auto Save button on his site, like Google provides on blogger. Your immortal soul could automatically be saved every few minutes.

I like having Google ads so I don't really want to get rid of them. They add a certain (insert French term here that I cannot spell but it means something like ambiance) to my site. Plus I need the four cents a day that the ads bring in order to purchase porridge for my 10 children. Ok that was a lie. I don't have 10 children.

Click here to read Google's gloating about how great their keyword targeting is. Their technology is so exact, they brag, that if you write a blog post about a cup of java coffee, their system will know that you are not talking about the computer language Java. Maybe this is an alphabetical thing. They have gotten to words related to coffee but haven't gotten around to differentiating between culinary words and people that need a date.

The last time I wrote something disparaging about Google, my blog experienced some technical difficulties. So let me apologize in advance for the problems that my blog will be experiencing and hope that they will be brief.

Unfortunately timed Google ads:

A diabetes testing meter ad ran for a while next to my post on international candy. That's the advertising equivalent of placing ads for bathroom scales in a Wendy's.

My favorite Google Ad:

Decals for your stand mixer from Flameka.com!

I think that Flameka.com's business concept may be somewhat limited however and suggest they try thinking of other cylindrical, vibrating objects they might be able to make decals for. I personally can't think of a single one.













SuperTarget Sponsorship:

Did you all see that I actually had SuperTarget sponsorship via a Google ad for about 2 minutes, sometime last week in the middle of the night? In previous editions of As the Blog World Turns I have openly suggested that they send me money for sponsorship. I, in turn, will blog about unique culinary products that they will be selling. A generic ad running for a few seconds in the middle of the night is a start I guess.

And Most Important of All:

Did you know that everytime you click on an ad, an angel gets his wings? Yeah, it's true. This is especially true for Travel Channel ads. And two drunken angels get their wings if its an Anthony Bourdain No Reservations ad.

There was a contest?

Of the 17,000 No Reservations commercials the Travel Channel broadcasts daily, why didn't I notice they were having a contest to select a location? I would have entered Chattanooga for sure. Saudi Arabia was chosen because Tony (the host of the show) has "misconceptions." 15 of the 19 hijackers were from there he says. Although none of the hijackers were from Chattanooga, we do have a criminal element. Our Sheriff was arrested for money laundering, accepting bribes, and purchasing a gun from an FBI agent. The almost too ridiculous to believe FBI document detailing the crimes reads like a Coen Brothers movie script. If you Google "worst mayor ever" our very own Chattanooga Mayor tops the list and has inspired a website dedicated to his idiocy.

















And people think we all dress like this lady, who greeted visitors last Saturday, coming to have their crap appraised on the Antique Roadshow. (A shout out to my friend who found out that the painting her family likes to use as a target for hitting golf balls, is actually worth as much as something you would hit golf balls at. Bummer. Welcome back to poverty land my friend.)

This Saudi Arabia episode will be interesting because not only is it rarely ever featured as a travel destination, it is a county without alcohol. Lets see how long it takes before Tony starts to sweat and have hand tremors. If he wanted to go to a place where alcohol is illegal, we could have taken him to a few dry counties right here in Tennessee, like the county where Jack Daniels is produced. It's always been an interesting little factoid that although they make Jack Daniels in Lynchburg, you can't buy it or any other alcohol there.

Hey! Maybe Samantha Brown could do a Great Weekends, Middle East series. Saudi Arabia, Iran, Yemen, Turkmenistan. Now that would be fascinating.







UPDATE: The Saudi Arabia episode was excellent and gives a completely different perspective on life in that country than what is typically perceived. The view of cooked camel hump was nauseating, the enclosed fast food booths in which to eat your chicken nuggets in private, interesting. But what was most intriguing to me was the contest winner Danya Alhamrani. She was born in Bismark North Dakota and divided her time between Saudi Arabia and North Dakota. She is a film maker. I want to know more about her and her life and you would think others would too, but as of this morning only three people have posted questions for her on her message board. My question is: When are you going to write a book about your life?

Anthony Bourdain V. Hannah Montana

The new season of No Reservations on the Travel Channel is starting tonight and, thanks to Catsworking and the sport she developed of spotting Anthony Bourdain's significant others hidden as extras on the show, I might actually have to watch.

Today's multiple choice quiz: Which of this season's shows would you most like to see?

A. Laos

B. Saudi Arabia

C. Columbia (say hello to Shakira for us)

D. Any episode where he drinks heavily, which is actually, any episode.

E. I'd rather watch Hannah Montana.

F. Laos and Saudi Arabia? Big deal. Last year he went to Cleveland!

G. Who the hell is Anthony Bourdain? Is he that bald guy that eats bugs on a stick?

H. I spend 22 hours a day blogging. My fingers are so numb from typing that I cannot operate the remote control, and actually I am not even sure if I have a television.

I. H above is very lazy. 22 hours a day of blogging is nothing! I blog 23 hours a day and I have 2 full time jobs. I haven't had time to eat in 2 months and am weak with hunger.

J. Is he going to Branson Missouri at all? Because I love Branson. I would watch that.

K. GO CUBS! (That's not actually a show, I just wanted to work GO CUBS! into a blog post somehow)

I'm gonna go with B. Saudi Arabia looks like one of those off the beaten path places I think I'd like travel to one day. But then I remember I'm female.