Does anyone remember that reverse Robin Hood skit from Monty Python many years ago? Steal from the poor and give to the rich? That's what this whole financial bail out sounds like to me. All I know is that some financial executive's Caribbean retreat is being protected while an increasing number of my non-wealthy friends seem to be losing their jobs.
How are we, the shirtless masses, going to come up with the cash to fund this $700 billion plan? Well, we here at Dineometer have a solution.
Lets have a yard sale.
Yard sales are the traditional American way to raise some quick cash when short on funds. The U.S. has many things that are not being used right now and should be put out on the White House lawn with a big ol' orange price tag on them. I'm not talking about Amy Carter's tricycle from the White House attic, or unused bottles of spray-on-hair from the Reagan administration, we need big ticket items. Here are a few suggestions for underutilized items that could be sold:
1) North Dakota. Trust me on this one. I used to live there and we are not using this state. I suggest we sell it to Canada. It could be like a Florida for them complete with a Polar Disney (don't forget your parkas on the roller coaster kids!) and instead of a Universal Theme Park, how about HGTV World or Home Shopping Land (take a ride on the Hummel figurine-go-round). Apologies to my friend Kathy who lives in North Dakota. Although, I am not sure if they ever did get the internet up in rural NoDak so she might not even see this. Sorry Kathy!
2) Dan Quayle. Did you know he is still alive? No really. Lets pretend he knows a bunch of important security secrets and sell him to China.
3) The Grand Canyon. Judging by activities in my own neighborhood, we seem to be running out of room for high priced condos and really big houses. Given that the average visit to the Grand Canyon is only about 2 hours which is the length of a feature film, why not sell this space to land developers. For once real estate agents wouldn't have to lie about the "great view."
4) I can't think of any others right now. Any suggestions?
I think I'm going to go email this to my congress person.