Monday, September 29, 2008

Dineometer's Financial Suggestion for the United States

Does anyone remember that reverse Robin Hood skit from Monty Python many years ago? Steal from the poor and give to the rich? That's what this whole financial bail out sounds like to me. All I know is that some financial executive's Caribbean retreat is being protected while an increasing number of my non-wealthy friends seem to be losing their jobs.

How are we, the shirtless masses, going to come up with the cash to fund this $700 billion plan? Well, we here at Dineometer have a solution.

Lets have a yard sale.

Yard sales are the traditional American way to raise some quick cash when short on funds. The U.S. has many things that are not being used right now and should be put out on the White House lawn with a big ol' orange price tag on them. I'm not talking about Amy Carter's tricycle from the White House attic, or unused bottles of spray-on-hair from the Reagan administration, we need big ticket items. Here are a few suggestions for underutilized items that could be sold:

1) North Dakota. Trust me on this one. I used to live there and we are not using this state. I suggest we sell it to Canada. It could be like a Florida for them complete with a Polar Disney (don't forget your parkas on the roller coaster kids!) and instead of a Universal Theme Park, how about HGTV World or Home Shopping Land (take a ride on the Hummel figurine-go-round). Apologies to my friend Kathy who lives in North Dakota. Although, I am not sure if they ever did get the internet up in rural NoDak so she might not even see this. Sorry Kathy!

2) Dan Quayle. Did you know he is still alive? No really. Lets pretend he knows a bunch of important security secrets and sell him to China.

3) The Grand Canyon. Judging by activities in my own neighborhood, we seem to be running out of room for high priced condos and really big houses. Given that the average visit to the Grand Canyon is only about 2 hours which is the length of a feature film, why not sell this space to land developers. For once real estate agents wouldn't have to lie about the "great view."

4) I can't think of any others right now. Any suggestions?

I think I'm going to go email this to my congress person.


Kiva said...

Great idea!

Or how about a raffle?
Buy a ticket and
- get on a plane without having to go through TSA lines
- go on a junket trip with your favorite Congressperson
- go straight to a person who can really help you at your choice of one of the many government bureaucracies

DineometerDeb said...

Haha Kiva! Yep, I would love to go on one of those junket trips.

With all this mayhem and foolishness going on right now, all we can do is laugh,right?

Clayton said...

Dude, selling Dan Quayle and building in the Grand Canyon are GENUIS.

Another suggestion I got was take the bail out money and give it to the people rather then the screwed up banks. I like that one.

Given the calculations each person would get roughly $400,000.

SheR. said...

A wild suggestion from an outsider...
why don't someone put the George Bush on a Freak Show tour around the world. I guess a lot of people will enjoy pelting tomatoes at him. Then one can charge for entry and tossing. What a circus material!

knitwithcats said...

what about selling florida? i bet castro (either one) would bid pretty high for that real estate.

we could also sell carl rove to putin but i think that would actually trigger the apocalypse so maybe not...

since bush has made it nothing more than a stage prop, we could sell our constitution. as a historical document, it should be worth something. it isn't doing us any good.

DineometerDeb said...

Hey Sher! I totally agree with you. We need to do something with him so he can earn back some of the money he has cost us during his years in office. I say we well him to Croatia. He can be president there for a while. (Inside joke because Sher actually lives in Croatia : )

Knit: I actually kind of like Florida. So, nah. But they can have Alabama. And I totally agree on the constitution issue.